Owning a receipt that says you engaged in a commercial transaction is all the rage, but the block chain is weird and cryptocurrencies can be confusing for beginners. So I’m making it easy.
Non-fungible tokens. NFTs.
They’re all the rage right now. Everyone is getting into them for reasons that I do not quite understand. You get a bit of code that says your cryptocurrency wallet (which itself is a bit of code) is noted as the owner of a JPG file hosted on a website somewhere.
What usually happens next is that the website you bought your URL from is hacked, and your URL is stolen. Somehow. To a normal person, the whole thing does not make a lot of sense.
Oh, and the only real tangible part of the whole thing is the accelerating climate catastrophe. Because the whole thing is built on blockchain and if there’s one thing blockchain excels at it is being inefficient and consuming the level of electricity of a mid-sized South American country.
To engage in purchasing an NFT you need to work out cryptocurrencies, which are weird, volatile and about as practical a unit of monetary value as a Connect Four piece.
All this just to buy a receipt. NFTs don’t actually give you anything. They are basically the receipt. What you get is a document that says you engaged in a purchase. NFTs have no…anything beyond the NFT itself. And the NFT is just a receipt.
Put simply, they’re a destructive folly for people that like to set fire to their money in increasingly elaborate ways.
But what if it were easier to set fire to your money?
What if setting fire to your money did have to involve the ongoing destruction of the planet? What if instead of setting fire to your money by giving it to some weird crypto scammer you set fire to it by giving it to me?
Imagine being able to set fire to your money using real money!
Wouldn’t that be grand?
Well, now you can. Now, if you would like, you can buy your very own receipt from me. I will sell you a receipt.
You can pay using Australian dollars, with a debit or credit card, just like any other purchase you’ve ever made.
For the bargain-basement pice of $10, you can have emailed directly to the inbox of your choice a receipt that states you spent $10. All it takes is a couple of clicks.
No having to workout cryptocurrency wallets, no shithouse money pictures, no shadowy exchanges, no lax database security.
Just a simple transaction where you spend $10 and then you get a receipt saying you spent $10.
What you do with that receipt is entirely up to you. Save it, delete it, print it off and hang it on your wall – the possibilities are endless.
Are you serious?
Yes. I spent at least two hours setting this up. The payment gateway is very real. It’s powered by Square, which I’m pretty sure is one of Jack Dorsey’s things. He’s an idiot, obviously, but the payment gateway was easy enough to setup.
Why aren’t you charging GST? Are receipts GST-free?
Because that involves paperwork and I honestly do not expect to get anywhere near the threshold where I will need to charge GST.
When I click the button it will let me add more $10 receipts. Do I get a receipt for every $10?
I would not recommend adding more units of $10. You will only get one receipt per transaction.
I am a massive idiot and I have no idea how to turn that off. Please email me if you have any ideas.
What makes my receipt unique?
Well, chances are that there is only one ever that is going to made out to you at the exact date and time that you buy it. Truly non-fungible. No one else will ever have one.
What happens to the $10?
It goes into my bank account.
Can I sell my receipt?
Sure. How you do that is entirely up to you. You don’t even have to pay me any royalties for it. Although you are welcome to if you would like.
What do I get for my $10?
Uhhh…an email receipt from Square that says you spent $10. That’s it. Like…that’s it. There’s no trick, there’s no catch, there’s no hidden treasure.
This is for people that love setting money on fire. I get $10, you get an email saying you gave me $10. (Well, I get $9.7-something because Square takes a cut for the processing fee, but you get my point).
Can I get a refund if I am not happy with my receipt?
I guess consumer law means I have to give you a refund if the product (a receipt) is somehow faulty or whatever. Look, if you ask nicely I probably will (minus any Square processing fees) because while I am deadly serious about the whole thing, I’m also not a crypto-grifter.
How do I contact you about this?
You can email me firstname.lastname@example.org if you really must. I will endeavour to remember to check that inbox.
Have you written other extremely silly things?