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Sadly Ikea Flat Pack Simulator 2020 is not coming to a console near you

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ASUS’s Republic of Gamers (RoG) and Ikea have teamed up. Sadly the result is not the ultimate merger of [Occupation] Simulator games and The Sims that we craved.

When a press release came to my attention (via @Decryption, curator of the excellent daily newsletter The Sizzle) that famed Swedish modular furniture purveyors Ikea had teamed up with computer manufacturer Asus and their Republic of Gamers brand you would assume it could only mean one thing.

Yes, Swedish Flat Pack Simulator 2020 was about to be announced.

A collaborative experience in which you and a friend or loved one ruin your relationship forever by trying to assemble a Bestå combination storage system with floating cupboards.

Fully interactive. Explore Ikea’s full range of items from the comfort of your own home.

All the thrills of getting new furniture without the hassle of having to walk through 456 kilometres of showroom just to get to warehouse out the back or figure out how to fit 132 tonnes of packing foam and plastic into the thimble-sized garbage bins you get now days.

I was ready. The internet was ready.

Ikea and Asus, sadly, were not.

Instead, they are bringing us “unique furniture and accessories to make dream home gaming spaces a reality”.

Sigh. Gamer furniture.

The partnership “will see the development of a new and exclusive range of gaming-furniture solutions designed to level up gaming experiences in the home”.

They describe it as a “holistic gaming ecosystem for dream gaming spaces” achieved by “continually imagining new ways to improve spatial awareness and create a more immersive gaming experience”.

It is without question going to be exactly like this incel paradise Bauhütte presented to the world, via Kotaku, earlier in the year.

Except I am positive there will be many, many more LEDs. There are always LEDs. Why are there LEDs? Because LEDs.

Apparently the range is being developed by the Ikea Product Development Centre in Shanghai, which hosted workshops with ROG designers to “explore the home furnishing needs of gamers and identify the list of functions needed to secure a high quality gaming experience at home”.

No images of the ultimate gamer lifestyle furniture comfort experience range are available – at least that Your Humble Correspondent could find. Ikea have, however, shared these wonderful images of people looking awkwardly at each other.

Possibly trying to work out the polite way of asking where the Fleshlight is going.

Apparently this stuff is going to roll out in China starting February next year, but (thankfully?) it will not be coming to other Ikea markets until that October.

So, gamers, you have a good 12-months to get excited for LED furniture.

Matthew's Thought Crimes

Matthew Hatton is a writer, photographer, website wrangler and systems designer.

In his spare time he has bad thoughts. Thought Crimes is their home.