Hello!
Congratulations on finding my website which I'm using to submit my entry for the Me on 3 competition. It's more than a little pretty, isn't it? It's OK, you can say so. We all know it is.
So, I bet you're more than little mystified as to who I am exactly. Well you're in luck. It just so happens that I have cunningly devised been asked to answer 13 questions that should help fill in some blanks for you. Also, I've taken some pictures of my face (try not to scream too loudly) and shot a short video explaining even more about me than what you will have already read by the time you get to the bottom of the page to view it. By the end, you should be more of an expert on me then I am.
So, shall we begin?
Biography!
Why should we pick you for ABC3?
I have a face for TV, of course!
I get along great with your target audience of small children
Who wouldn't want me on the TV ALL THE TIME?
I never, ever, ever accidentally swear in front of kids
I'm Batman
I have no idea. Aren't you the ones that have the criteria for what makes a good television personality? You're supposed to tell why I would or wouldn't get picked.
Tell us what makes you tick. What are you into? (comedy, music, animals, sport, travel, etc.)
Generally, it's my ticker that makes me tick. (See what I did there?). I like for that glorious moment you have when you wake up after a great sleep. You know, that precious few seconds when you have absolutely no idea who you are, your responsibilities, anything. I love that time. So I sleep a lot so I can experience it frequently. Does that count?
In terms of things that interest me outside of sleeping and waking up, I'm fond of a good comedy - preferably something absurd like Python - and motor racing. Why those two? Mostly because I think I'm utterly hilarious and would make for an awesome Formula 1 driver if ever given half a chance.
What is your favourite TV show that you think kids aged between 10 and 14 would also be into and why?
True Blood. Kids like gratuitous nudity and people getting their faces bitten off, right?
Name a TV personality you admire and tell us why they're great. (It might be a comedian, actor, host or anyone who makes an impact on you.)
I have two. Is that allowed?
They're Rove McManus and Dave Hughes. I admire them because they prove that you don't have to be either talented or funny to be given your own TV show and large amounts of fame. It helps me believe that maybe, one day, I too can achieve national television mediocrity.
If you were a superhero, what powers would you want and why?
If I were a superhero, I think I'd just settle for being Iron Man. No powers as such, but an absolute fuc... a large amount of money and cool gadgets with which I may fight evil and blow stuff up. Blowing stuff up is cool.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Germany, 2nd August 1933. Why? I'll let you figure that one out yourself. ;-)
If you had three wishes, what would they be?
I only need one. I'd wish for an infinite amount of wishes. Hey, you didn't say I couldn't. Details matter.
What makes you LAUGH OUT LOUD?
Inappropriate use of caps lock in a questionnaire?
Name your top three TV shows from your youth and why you liked them.
My youth? You realised that I've been to MANY 18th and 21st birthday parties between my youth and now. I can't remember what TV shows I liked year let alone last decade. That show with Berk. I like that one. Well, let's just say I did because I was watching clips of it on YouTube the other day.
Name your top three things EVER!
SEX!
BOOBIES!
THOSE TWO THINGS AGAIN!
Wait. This is a kids TV station...bother....
Do you have any extra skills or experience in the areas of writing, directing, camera operation or in any other areas such as stand up comedy, playing musical instruments, singing, dancing, sport etc?
Well I can write - this web page is evidence on that. I'm also very good at bossing people around to do things for me - so there's directing ticked off as well. I have a camera on my phone (who doesn't?) that I've used to take pictures and upload to the internet (no, not those sort of pictures) - so, yeah, I've had experience in camera operation.
Have you had any TV or on-camera experience?
Having been born in 1985, I've had plenty of TV experience. You couldn't measure the days of my life that I've (most likely) wasted watching TV.
With regards to the "on-camera" experience, I did accidentally tread on a camera that had been dropped once. Does that count? I mean, I was technically "on" the camera.
If you were successful in becoming an ABC3 host what type of programs would you like to host and why? (Natural history, quiz, etc.)
I'd probably be best suited to hosting a hard hitting news or current affairs program. My skills as a journalist would be best suited to asking the hard questions of our politicians and public figures. I could totally become the ABC3 version of Kerry O'Brien but many years younger...and not with red hair...or a green pen. A perfect fit for ABC3, I think!
Photos!
This is a photo of Matthew staring intently at the computer. This is also the part of the web page where Matthew starts referring to himself in the third person
In this photo, Matthew is pretending to be very interested in what's happening in the computer lab...and failing
In this photo, Matthew is editing a video. And murdering kittens. Editing video makes Matthew murder kittens.
As you can see, I'm not a particularly photogenic person. I must prefer being behind the camera than in front of it. Which gets even more horrifying when you look at the next item on this page...
Video!
In this video I discuss...things. Yeah, I'm scared too
Links!
Did you know that I do other things on the internet other than just answer questions, take photos of myself and post self-indulgent videos? You didn't? EXCELLENT! Allow me to share with you what else I get up to online:
My Blog: On this blog I practice my skills in being an internet loud-mouth. I post my opinions on politics, technology, society and anything else that has caused me some degree of grief. The blog can be found by clicking on these underlined words. Twitter: I spend a lot of time here. You can find my posts brilliantly hidden under my used-everywhere pseudonym of @BernieTB. Facebook: Like just about everyone on the planet, I have a Facebook profile. I use it mostly to moan about how silly Facebook is. You can find it by clicking these few underlined words. LinkedIn: Are you interested in the actual, paid, professional work that I've done? Well you're in luck. My working career has been documented on LinkedIn and you can view it by clicking on these underlined words. Tumblr: This is something different. Generally on this site you'll find pictures of attractive girls and other bits of pop culture that I find interesting.